Valentines Day Rebel Post

If you really know me, you know I am a Valentine's Day Hater. It's true. Now don't mistake me, I make cookies, give my kids chocolates and t-shirts that say "I Heart Mom", get the Valentine's Day cards and blah, blah, blah.... but it makes me cranky. I am such a rebel about Valentine's Day that I even refused to post this last week (that and I am a PROcrastinator). Having said all that, I must disclose the fact that I still use the evil, false advertising, commercialized, fraud of a day to my advantage. Over the years I did go to Spain with my honey, two trips to California and just last weekend a fantastic ski trip followed up with a delicious steak dinner all in the name of celebrating "Valentine's Day". But deep down, I despise the day.

I'm afraid my children all despise the day as well, but probably for a different reason. While I may feel it is my "motherly" duty to engage in activities like making heart shaped cookies, decorating old shoe boxes to make pink, sparkly containers to hold those special cards, I also feel obligated to share my thoughts with the kids. While they are smiling away and frosting cookies and sprinkling them with sugar filled decor, I am telling my captive audience all the reasons that heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate do not really equal love. It is about as real love-like as the heart-shaped box is to the shape of an actual heart! (Now wouldn't that be just a bit funny to have an actual heart shaped box?) And what about those nasty tasting, obnoxious heart candies with the even more stomach churning messages on them? My word, I had to flip some of those suckers over so I couldn't see the words on them as we were neatly placing them on our pink iced cupcakes! I mean, "UR HOT" does not stir up the love emotion for me, nor do I want my Kindergartner who is learning to read to digest such nonsense.

"Why the hate?", you may ask. It is simply because I am a believer in TRUE love. So in my V-day rebelliousness, I would like to honor my husband for the many years of standing by me and teaching me what real love is. Trust me, I have been a student in the whole thing as well as him. But over the years we have figured a few things out and in the beginning we at least had a couple of things going in our favor. When we were first married, I was of the thought that so many women fall into that, "If he really loves me, he will know what I am thinking" category. I also thought that each day would be filled with complete bliss and happy thoughts in marriage or something must be wrong. It is all part of the world's V-Day stupidity. Hollywood's version of marriage, love and relationships and complete self-absorbed relationships. How about some real-love messages on some better tasting candy like, "I will always be honest", "Love is slow to anger", "Love is not jealous", "Those who give Love gather Love". Or, "Love is a verb", "You inspire me", "We love those we serve". Oh yeah, one of my favorites, "Keep your eyes wide open B4 marriage and half closed after" How did ya like that? I even threw in some fancy texting for ya! Okay, okay... maybe not as witty as UR Hott, I confess, but my candies would taste a heck of a lot better and obviously have to be bigger too. Maybe my market would only be grouchy, V-Day despising,Mormon women... it works for me!

On a more serious note, I remember a time in our marriage that my husband gently reminded me that it was our duty as part of the promises that we made on our wedding day to always love each other. We didn't promise to always have romantic feelings or even happy thoughts but we did promise that we would love and honor each other. That means that on those days that I am not having happy thoughts or loving feelings that I become my own master and choose to love him. Maybe that means that I need to serve him more or maybe that means that I need to just control my own negative thoughts but it is part of my promise to him. I find so much comfort in my husband being the one that taught me that, because that tells me that he is doing that for me as well.

I also would like to honor my husband for his honesty. At times, especially if you have heard our dating story, you may have heard me refer to it as "brutal honesty" but there is never a doubt in my mind that I will be getting honesty out of him. Most times I find comfort in that quality. We haven't always got it right, we certainly have had to overcome selfishness and pride and still have to continually work at it, but I sure am thankful for the lessons that we have learned together over the years. I am thankful for a man that wants to be the best husband and father that he can be even if it means sacrificing at times. I am also thankful for all the other TRUE LOVES in my life. Laura, Manda, Ben, Sam, Emma and many other people that have touched my heart and shown me what love REALLY is... Thank you!

Here are a few of my most recent V-Day picks that I feel like help me to understand what love really is or how to make it better:

1. Dear John. Manda and I recently saw the movie and found it mildly good but they took out the most important part of the book in my opinion. If you haven't read the book, I highly recommend it. If you just can't bring yourself to read something like that, next time you are at the store or library just read the last 4 1/2 pages. Most importantly page 333. What is real love? All I have to say is, "Amen, brother!"

2. The Five Love Languages. Wow... I thought after 20 plus years together I had a clue but through this book I learned that there are many times that I am speaking a totally different language and not fluent in his. I learned a ton reading this book and have experimented a little with it and what do ya know? I think the author is on to something!

3. Love Takes Time
Elder Marvin J. Ashton
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Until next year, when the dreaded day comes along and makes me want to crawl out of my skin and scream that the world is completely clueless if they are buying the "Be My Valentine" crud, may EVERY day be filled with TRUE love!